I'm Going to Bury It

I've thought about how I wanted to write this post a few times. I mean, how do finally conclude a subject that consumed your life for a good chunk of your time? Well, you bury it.

I talked a lot about my internal struggles from the entirety of 2018 through the first half - give or take a month - of 2019. See, I was going through something, but I wasn't sure what. I knew some of it, at least, was due to hormonal changes, and then, earlier this year, I figured out that the rest of it was from buried trauma. Well, while both of those are correct and were both responsible for what the main issue was, neither was exactly what was going on.

It wasn't until recently when I had some downtime at work one day that I went down a rabbit hole of internet articles. This isn't unusual as it's something I do semi-regularly, but I digress. I came across one, in particular, that jumped out at me. It was an article about severe depression, and, man oh man, did it fit me during that time period to the letter. I pored over that article and found a couple of related ones, and it was eye-opening. I discovered that while I don't have chronic depression, I did suffer from a long period of severe depression. It made complete sense. I mean, I had no desire to do any of the things I normally loved, I was stricken with fatigue and tiredness all the time, I self-medicated a lot, and avoided people. While those aren't the only symptoms, they are some of the hallmark ones that practically described me word for word.

And now that I know for sure what transpired in my life to make it so bleak and awful, I can finally put it to rest. This post, then, is the last time I'm going to talk about that period in my life except for the occasional passing reference. I'm going to bury it for a few reasons:

* It completely consumed my life for a year and a half and I'm not giving it the spotlight anymore.
* I'm ready to move forward with my life in a happy and positive way.
* I'm done talking about it. I talked about it so much in an attempt to figure out just what the hell was wrong with me, that I'm soooo over it.

When something is over, it's over, and that time of my life is over. I'm back to my normal self - doing the things I love again, not self-medicating, hanging out with people (when I'm in the mood of course), and living my life to the fullest.

While I've now come out of it, no worse for the wear and maybe a bit wiser, I know other people aren't quite as lucky. If you know in your gut something in your life is a bit off, something is wrong but you can't place a finger on it, or you just straight-up know that you're in a bad way...get some help. There are tons of resources to help, so seek help today. Here's a great place to start.

I know I didn't make my Saturday post but I had a busy weekend hosting an annual bbq and some friends. My dad also stopped by on his way home from Texas so we met up for lunch. My latest review/interview with the band Fluids is up on Slime&Grime, and you can check that out here: https://www.slimeandgrimeomaha.com/post/fluids-an-icky-sticky-extra-saucy-friday-the-13th-interview-album-review

My online discussion series with Politipeeps and Dr. Mathias Nordvig is up on YouTube, you can check those out here, here, and here.


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