Ramblings of an overstressed Mom


Last week, in true Midwest fashion, I walked out of the building after work one sunny afternoon to a balmy 80 degrees. The next evening, the temps dropped and by the time I left for work the following morning, it was breezy and 10 degrees.

This hot and cold game that Mother Nature plays with us Midwesterners is nothing new. We've been dealing with it forever, but this time, it felt a bit personal. My life has also run the gamut between hot and cold at times, and lately has been no different.

I've been homeschooling my daughter for the past year and a half and I will be holding her graduation ceremony in June. There wasn't anything necessarily wrong with her old public school per se, it's just that they couldn't really help her. Her struggles have been so deep that I lost my own self in the process. I mean, you're only as happy as your saddest kid, right?

At any rate, I took it upon myself when all else had failed to school her myself. She was adamant about not going to college, so we spent our time doing only what was necessary to get her to high school graduation. Then, things changed.

A little over a year ago, the various things I had been doing to help her started to work. She was happier, started taking care of herself, started cleaning her room, got a really nice boyfriend, and smiled more. It was amazing.

Then, this past Fall, she was like, "Mom, I want to go to college." I almost fell over. I mean, I didn't want to dash her dreams so I didn't say anything, but I thought, "Damnit, kid, we didn't prepare you for that."

What has followed then has been a mad dash to study for the ACTs, applying for college, getting old high school transcripts, writing up my own high school transcript - who knew calculating GPA was so damn difficult - and filling out the application for Federal Aid. 

My lovely, kind, and beautiful daughter has been a wreck for three solid months and dragging me down with her. After the billionth day of coming home ragged from work to listen to her have yet another meltdown, I had to tell her the truth. I only have so much of my own mental bandwidth in a day to deal with things. I have my own stress, I work all day, and I need some downtime after work. She and her feelings are important to me, but I can't help her if I am not right myself. She went to her room for a while, then came back out to apologize. We talked about things and I'm so amazed by her ability to be self-aware. 

By the time the cold spell hit last week, I was ready for some peace and relaxation. So, I plugged in my "wood stove", poured a glass of wine, ate a legal gummy, and relaxed. My mind wandered to thoughts of my upcoming return to Europe and felt better than I had in a few months.

Before I know it, she will be out on her own.

Until then, though....time for us to college prep. Wish me luck and, hey, have a drink for me would you?



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